I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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