well I can't set my house on fire every night
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
