Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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