I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
