dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
