Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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