Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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