another moral hangover. fuck.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
