we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
