smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
