wake up i wanna do it froggy style
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
