did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
