So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
