You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i think i have herpe
just one?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
