I got chris browned last night
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
