well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
