I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
