Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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