Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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