you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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