The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
