I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
