i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Green mimosas i think yes
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
