I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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