is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
