made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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