They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
