you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
