u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
