So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
