I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
is this the sara with the beer cane?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
