Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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