doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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