Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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