??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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