Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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