just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
