lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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