ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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