I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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