I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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