I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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