Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
