I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
