I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize