Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
