I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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