Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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