i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize