Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
