My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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