Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
