You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
two words...techno handjob
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
don't judge my taste in strippers
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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