I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
