Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
