you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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