If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We left the knife in your bed.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
