In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
