remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
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