I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
