It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
