he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
