I just threw up on my dentist
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize