She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i think my cat just said my name.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
