you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
