if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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