Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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